There is something to be said for honesty. What exactly I’m
not sure. Personally I thoroughly appreciate it. I think it often gets misconstrued for truth
or something absolute. Honestly, I think it may be truth on occasion and is not always absolute. I think it’s our
perspective without the rose colored lens, the filter, the synthesized
compilation of a belief that we’ve amassed through the thoughts of others.
So, it was refreshing when I sat down in a small Japanese restaurant
on Sutter Street in downtown San Francisco with a fellow entrepreneur and
talked…honestly. The last time we did so
was the year prior and we grabbed food and went to the Giants baseball game.
The same Giants that would later win the World Series (I like to think my being
at the game that got them to the series had something to do with that.) A lot had happened in both of our lives since
then however. Things picked up for her as a freelance cinematographer. She was
navigating dating and other personal relationships. Family dynamics changed.
“So what about Phreedum?” she asked.
“It’s going pretty well. I’ve taken a bit of a break in
terms of pushing sales and have really focused on the blog and relationship
building with other entrepreneurs. In the new year it will be back to pushing
sales,” I shared.
“Oh ok. Cool. You know I never really pay much attention to
the whole ‘start new with the New Year’ thing. I think you just start again
whenever you need to.”
She had a point I thought. And then I thought some more.
“Okay, well honestly, it wasn’t about the new year. It was
about me feeling like me and my business (Phreedum) were incongruent. I didn’t feel free
so I didn’t know how I was supposed to develop something I was lacking. I was
feeling trapped. I stopped with the designs and the sales so I could figure out
me. The core parts of Ahyana. I decided I wanted to define me in 7 words. I
wanted to take time I just find me in 7 words. Those 7 words would be the basis for 7 new
designs. Whenever the designs were
finished, I’d go back to printing and sales pumping.”
Let me exercise my phreedum to be real honest for a moment.
I can count on my hands how many shirts I’ve sold this year.
Yeah, and I only have ten of those. I can count on my hand how many new sales
partnerships/collaborations I’ve had this year.
I can count on my hands and toes how many times I thought about shutting
Phreedum down altogether, no designs, apparel, blog, collaborations, nothing. I
got twenty of those.
Phreedum wasn’t working for me. There were no amounts of
ideas from fellow entrepreneurs, articles read in Forbes or Entrepreneurial
magazines, workshops attended that were hosted by groups like the Empowerment
Group that was going to help me “make Phreedum work”. Phreedum wasn’t working
because I was not phree. The Ahyana who started the company in 2008 was not the
same Ahyana in 2011. Don’t get me wrong. Change happens, is necessary, and can
be good. But I’m not talking about “change.”
I’m talking about a conflict that occurred because I wasn’t being honest
with and to myself, and Phreedum while it’s for the masses, is also about me.
So I pulled the plug and decided to go back to what I
originally wanted Phreedum to be. I dug out the pink faux croc journal I bought
and its black lined pages chronicled the early stages of Phreedum. I read and
re- read the pages of drafts of the name and its spelling, the vision, the
mission, rough sketches of designs, quotes and phrases that inspired designs.
Then I went back to me. I pulled out another journal that
had my personal vision and mission statement and chronicled my own personal struggles,
desires, and goals. Who was I and how was I living the phree life?
While I will admit I am a lot of things, I wanted to create
something succinct in terms of who I am as it pertains to Phreedum. I didn’t want a formal statement however. No paragraphs, not even a sentence. I just
wanted words. I was committed to
figuring out those core aspects of myself before I could feel phree and thus
return to Phreedum. So I did just that. I came up with the words and
the designs and in the coming months you will read and see and be able to wear
if you so desire more about my personal process and understanding of phreedum.
Lest I sound like I am rambling, there is a point to this
post. And this is what it is- in the words of William Shakespeare “To thine own
self be true.” Being open-minded is great. Feedback and constructive criticism are
awesome. Exploration and exposure are necessary. However, at the end of the
day, you can’t lose you in the process or the progress. You’ve got to stay
grounded. Tree branches sway with the winds, not tree trunks.
Wherever you are on your journey, just make sure you
exercise your phreedum to be honest and to be true to yourself. Exercise your phreedum
to disagree, to step back, to hit pause. Exercise your phreedum to start again whenever
you need to, even if that’s right now.
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